Pop Tarts

I would just like to give a shout out to pop tarts.

SCREW YOU.

Ever since I had spawns pop tarts have been a part of my life.  Nice, a quick easy little breakfast.  Sure, its not the healthiest damn breakfast in the world, but I'll give them blueberry to make me feel better about being a lazy bitch and not giving them a breakfast that consists of all the food groups and we can all have a nice smooth morning.

Smooth morning, said no mother ever.

Anyway, back to pop tarts.

When my spawns were toddlers, my dumb ass attempted to go to work.  Every morning I would get up late, get them in the car late and on the way to daycare they would eat a pop tart.  How nice not having to worry about stopping and getting breakfast or making this huge breakfast.

Until its time to clean out my effing car.   Pop tart hell.  Pop tarts smashed to the car seat, the floor boards, even found one or two smashed in the door.  Nice.

Even though pop tart smashing is something a toddler HAS  to do, my dumb ass continued to give my damn spawn pop tarts in the morning.  I've got this pop tart smashing shit figured out.  It's just so easy. . I will tell them to hand it to me when they are done.  This seemed to work nice.  They would hand me a piece of pop tart going down the road and in turn, I would throw it out the window (screw you, its not littering) and I would think, "good, no more pop tart smashing" .

Until, I would go to clean out my car.  I would STILL see effing pop tarts smashed everywhere.

Come to find out, they would break off a piece to hand to me and continue to smash the other piece.

Damn it all to hell.

Now, that they are older they want to toast their pop tarts.  Who the eff taught them this is beyond me.  I'm sure it was my Mr. Jackass  (and I say it with love) trying to pay me back for switching the damn kitchen drawers.  Toasting the pop tarts is no big deal you say?  Eff you.  Now I find pop tart wrappers and a shit ton of crumbs all around the toaster on the counter every morning. Pieces of pop tart are stuck in the toaster.  It.  Sucks.

And now, to put the cherry on top of my pop tart HELL, they argue over the last one EVERY TIME   

Simple solution right?  There are TWO pop tarts in a pack.  They each have one and go about their merry way.  Well I'd like to say a big EFF YOU if this is what you were thinking.  If only it were that simple.  My spawn fully believe that they are not getting the full pop tart eating experience if they only eat one.

Now, I am going to go eat breakfast.  A chocolate pop tart.